


THIS IS WAR

by Song_of_the_Black_Wolf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, Humor, Other, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 23:25:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11679282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf/pseuds/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf
Summary: Even separated as far from each other as possible, Levi, Zoe and Mike still manage to cause trouble at a meeting.





	THIS IS WAR

Levi hated meetings.  As far as he was concerned, they were a complete waste of time.  _We could get so much done if we didn’t have to spend all our time in these fucking meetings about why we don’t get stuff done!_

 

Zoe Hange and Mike Zacharius also hated meetings.  Erwin had always had trouble with those two in every meeting he’d been in with them; but now that Levi was added to the mix, the three of them were an absolute nightmare.  They were soldiers – people of action, not talk.  Furthermore, they had an awful lot of stress.  The life of a Scout of the Survey Corps was hard, brutal and short, so Erwin couldn’t really hold their mischief against them – they had to be able to blow off steam somehow . . . but did it really have to be in the middle of his meetings?

 

The last time, they’d been seated together on the same side of the table, and, on Levi’s example, began throwing folded flying paper birds out the window behind them.  This had eventually escalated into throwing them around the room when Commander Erwin wasn’t looking . . . that is until one of Mike’s birds flew awry and landed in Erwin’s perfectly combed hair.  The commander had promptly thrown all three out of the room and given them what he now believed to be a fruitless scolding later.

 

Erwin made certain that the three of them were not sitting next to each other this meeting.  Levi was on one side of the table in the middle, and Zoe and Mike on the other side near the ends.  _You’d think this was a classroom full of little kids with those three around!  And Levi!  He’s the worst of the lot!  I never would have guessed the man would turn out to be such an imp when I recruited him!_

At first, the meeting went smoothly enough, but that never lasted long.  Levi looked at the papers in front of him.  Everyone had them, neatly stacked and held together with wire paper clips . . . _paper clips . . . that could be fun_.  He casually removed a clip from one of the packs of paper, set it on the flat surface of the table, and flicked it at Zoe.  She jumped as the clip hit her in the chest.  She then shot a look of ‘this is war!’ at Levi.

 

Levi smirked, daring her to fire back, which she did.  The paper clip slid across the table and landed in the lap of the startled man on Levi’s right.  Mike sneered at the lousy shot and Zoe covered her mouth, pointing as discretely as she could at her intended target when the man looked at her.

 

Assuming that she meant she was trying to pass a paper clip to the emotionless captain, the man slid the paper clip over in front of an amused Levi.  He looked up a Zoe, who just shrugged, then flicked the paper clip at Mike, making certain it bounced off the man’s prominent nose.  Mike let out a grunt of surprise while Zoe stifled a laugh.

 

“Is there something you’d like to say, Miss Hange?”  Erwin asked, only faintly annoyed.

 

Zoe was the picture of innocence.  “Oh, no, Commander! I’m fine!  I promise!”

 

As soon as Erwin turned back to the chalkboard, Levi flicked another clip at Zoe.  She glared at him.  _Oh, it is SO on!!!_  She immediately flicked one back at Levi . . . This went on for several minutes, with Zoe, Mike and Levi flicking paper clips across the table at each other, until one of Mike’s went askew and pinged the window behind Levi.  _That’s odd. . . It’s gotten so quiet in here. . ._ All three looked to the head of the table where Erwin stood, leaning on his fists, watching them silently. 

 

Zoe covered her mouth to suppress laughter, Mike sat, arms folded with a satisfied, smug look on his face and Levi had no expression at all  -  as usual.

 

“Are you three quite through?” the commander asked.

 

“Yes, sir,” Zoe and Mike said in unison.

 

Erwin looked at Levi.

 

“I’m done,” the diminutive captain said.  As Erwin turned back towards the chalk board, Levi added, “For now.”

 

Erwin paused, pinched the bridge of his nose, but chose to ignore Levi for the moment.  It didn’t take long for the bored captain to come up with another way to have fun with paper clips.  He bent it out of shape, creating a sort of spring out of it, aimed at Zoe and let it fly.  It flew straight . . . . . up.  All three troublemakers watched as the paper clip impaled itself into the plaster ceiling.  _That’s right!  They just replastered the ceiling this morning!  Must be it’s not dry yet,_ Levi thought.  Then a look of pure devious mischief suddenly filled his eyes (if not the rest of his face).   _Oh have I got a killer idea!_  One corner of the man’s mouth turned up ever so slightly, but his two best friends noticed it immediately, and knew exactly what he was thinking. 

 

All three proceeded to warp a paper clip and flicked them up into the ceiling.  The person on Levi’s left watched in fascination as he sent another paper clip flying to stick into the plaster above.  He decided to duplicate Levi’s actions and sent his own paper clip into the ceiling.  Before long, unbeknownst  to  Erwin, everyone at the table was flicking paperclips at the ceiling; including Garrison Commander Dot Pixis.

 

Finally, Erwin finished his explanation on the chalkboard.  “Are there any questions?” he asked as he turned just in time to see the man on Levi’s right flick a paper clip straight up.  Erwin’s blue eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he looked up to see dozens of paper clips sticking into the ceiling more than two meters overhead.  The faces around the table were a mixture of suppressed laughter and embarrassment at being caught. 

 

Erwin glared daggers at Levi, Zoe and Mike, knowing beyond all shadow of a doubt that they were behind this, and he was certain that Levi was the one who started this . . . but the whole room had gotten involved.  Erwin stood agape in shock as Commander Pixis fired one last paper clip into the ceiling.

 

“Well,” Pixis said.  “This is war, after all.”


End file.
